Jonny Dark

    I have a minor bitch about the modern sex scene in this country. I'm glad to see that women are, for the most part, fairly liberal with their promiscuity, and that casual sex is making a comeback. But, let's face it folks; what the hell has happened to oral sex lately? I keep hearing stories about these young girls and guys who consider oral sex as nothing more than a mutual agreement between friends, that it's just something 'to do', but I have yet to see the quality.
    Look, I don't want to be the one that ruins a good thing for everybody, but, God dammit there needs to be a little pride in one's work when oral sex is concerned. When a girl goes down on me, I want her focused, dedicated, working that cock like she knows what the hell she's doing. Seriously women, what the fuck is going on here? Simply putting it in your mouth and slobbering on my balls does not constitute a blowjob.
    I know I'm not alone in this complaint, I just think I'm the only guy in America dumb enough to bitch about this. Like other guys, I've been simply grateful that a woman even takes the time to go down there. But, I'm starting to get to the point where the whole thing just isn't worth the trouble. Personally, when I go down on a woman, I'm in it for the long haul. I will engulf myself, full faced, into the process. I will work through lack of breath, exhaustion, lock jaw, all the while paying close attention to what's working and what isn't. If you're not clawing at the headboard, I'm not doing my job right. Is it too much to ask for the same generosity in return?   Lately, every blowjob I've gotten feels like more of an obligation on the woman's part than something fun to do. Plus, the quality of each gives me the impression that their trying to pull that little trick where, if you do a job bad enough, no one will ask you to do it again. Never once should, 'Please stop, you're doing more harm than good,' cross a man's mind when he's getting head.
    Ladies, this is a shame. Plus, you're not doing yourselves any favors here. If you want to land a guy, keep him, and make him your slave, give him a stellar blowjob. When we say that we love all your cute little idiosyncrasies, your hair, your laugh, the way you sleep, we're not lying. We do love those about you, but deep down, in those naughty little places we don't even expose to our closest friends, lays the blowjob scale. A man will put up with damn near anything if he knows that he will get a porno quality blowjob on a regular basis.
    There are only three things the French ever gave us that were worth a shit; Alexis DeTocqueville, the Statue of Liberty, and Fellatio. Our relations with that country have never been stellar, so why add insult to injury? Give our little, snooty ass, all-but-worthless, frog, brothers and sisters the limited respect they deserve. GIVE DECENT HEAD!
    Honestly, what is the fucking problem here? Is it something we are failing to do on our part, as men? If so, please feel free to point out whatever it is. We can take whatever criticism you throw at us. Well, up to a point. We too have our breaking points. We cannot look like someone else; famous, dead, or related, we simply can't do it. We cannot grow: taller, hair on our chest, extra arms and or fingers. Otherwise we can pretty much do whatever it is you need. You see, I know that you know what you're doing. I know that there is some universally regimented, clandestine sorority that you all join somewhere in your mid to late teen years where such topics as this are taught in great detail. I know that the mission of said sorority is to secretly subvert the dominance of male superiority and turn us into mindless, drooling nitwits that heed your every command. To that I say, "GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM!" Hell, we are, by nature, so fucking close to that semi-retarded existence as it is, that a couple good throatjobs here and there should pretty much topple our regime.
    Well, that's all I have to say on this subject for the time being. Be sure to check in with my boys at Bedlam Publishing to view more, fine editorial content such as this. Face it, they're not going away, and neither am I. Remember to keep you booze in ya belly and yer bullets in ye gun.

Love,

Jonny