Interview

Hello all, I thought it would be fun if I sat down and did an interview for you. The person interviewing me today is some guy I found sleeping in the park. Just for good measure, I hit him with a brick and bound him with chains so he couldn't get away. Let the fun start!

Me: Wake up! (slap!) You are doing an interview!
Guy: What the... hey, where am I? Why am I bleeding? Who are you?
Me: I am known by many names. But never Herman. It's weird but no one has ever called me Herman. I guess no one has had a reason to...
Guy: What have you done to me! Why the fuck am I here man?! Let me go!
Me: Hahaha silly interviewer man, I can't let you go. If I did no one would be here to ask me thrilling and deep questions.
Guy: Listen you fucker, I don't know what kind of sick game (Zzzzt) Aaaaaaaaaaahhh! What the fuck was that?!
Me: What an excellent and thrilling question! It just so happens that in the spirit of Halloween, I stuck a small pumpkin up your butt and wired it to this switch right here (flick).
Guy: (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzt) Aauauuaaawaawagh! Please...don't kill me. I've never even met you before man! what did I do? why!? ( sobbing).
Me: I am not going to kill you! I just want you to ask me questions.
Guy: What?
Me: Exactly.
Guy: What?
Me: You asked that one already.
Guy: I sorry! So sorry! Don't use the ass pumpkin! Umm...what is your favorite color?
Me: My favorite color? C'mon you can do better than that.
Guy: ...Umm...soo... what do you do when you're not torturing people with ass pumpkins?
Me: Well, I am an artist. At least that is what my friends say. I like to think of myself as more of a daydreamer. Occasionally I put my dreams out for people to see.
Guy: Ok. Let's see... What is your sign?
Me: Well I am a Libra by the western astrology charts and a Dragon in the east. I like dragons! I like little kitties too.
Guy: Have you seen any good movies lately?
Me: Not really. I haven't had time to see anything lately. I did watch The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy the other day. I really enjoyed it.
Guy: That movie sucked! I didn't understand it at all! It was like watching those stupid Motley Python movies.
Me: IT'S MONTY PYTHON YOU PARK SLEEPING ASS!
Guy: (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttttt) Aaaaaauauuuuuuwwwowooooowwwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!
Me: I like Monty Python. I guess we will have to agree to disagree.
Guy: I think my anus is bleeding.
Me: Yes, yes, anyway, ask me one real deep question and we'll wrap this up.
Guy: .......Umm........oh god............ah.........why do bad things happen to good people?
Me: Hmmm. good question. I think, the quickest answer would have to be entropy. Given enough time, everything falls apart. I guess it is how we deal with it that makes us good or bad people. In the end, hopefully we have done more good than harm. I will have to think about that more. Excellent question!
Guy: Can you let me go now?
Me: Sure. Just one more though...
Guy(Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt) Oooooooooooouuuuwwaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuugh! W-w-why?
Me: Happy Halloween!